I Don't Feel Good

I really don't

It's a weird feeling. I feel like there's something out of place. There are somethings I realized today I haven't quite gotten over. I think I need to take some time to think things through. I can't go on harboring anger and stuff.

Bleh.

I really don't feel good. I think there is something wrong with my head. Ive got some sort of new, bizarre mental disease. I can't do anything about it, I'm going fucking insane. There's nothing wrong with me, I think. Lucid dreaming, it's great.

I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. Get really good at lucid dreaming. Maybe that way I can start to figure things out. I need to focus, I'm seriously buzzing all over the place like some fucked up mental mosquito.

I just realized I have no idea what I'm typing. I'm just typing nothing for no reason. I have no set purpose, nothing lingering on my mind, at least, nothing I'm ready to admit. Some times I get the feeling that some people have some unnecessary concerns. Like, they're worrying about something they don't have to be worrying about.
Did What? Did who? How? When? Why?

Ugh...

This is driving me insane. I need to get to the root of this

Chicken Shit.

I hate it when that happens.
But it's okay, I guess I could have worse problems.

Errrg...

Bleah...I feel like I've been going through a creative drought. I can't produce anything that's not absofuckinglutley one hundred percent CHICKEN SHIT. I work on something really hard, and then I look back at it and I want to burn it. I can't tell if I'm getting more picky or my work is honestly getting shittier.

Errrg....

Besides a few, I don't like people touching me. I don't like people that insist on hugs every time they see me or do little things like poke me in the rib or grab my hips. If you're a stranger and you fucking grab my hips and try to scare me, I will kill you. You might think it's funny but I won't be funny when someone has to scrape you off the wall with a quarter.

Errrg....

I get angry too easily.

It's Only Motion...

It It It Is...
Really only Motion. Millions of Trillions of Atoms buzz buzzing and according to Boyle's Law, If they get too cold, they'll stop.
If they stop moving, it means it's all stopped.
Everything. Things are only made up counting on the fact that those buzzy little atoms won't ever stop but could, in theory, just stop. If it gets too cold, or too fast....Poof.
I'm done.

Conquistadores

I seriously
I honestly am a nutcase.
I just decided this like, now.
I find myself in the same old mess singing drunken lullabies.
As that one Flogging Molly song goes.
Documenting
Being Wrathful
Being Lustful
But in the end, it's strange
I actually, for the first time in years
was honest
completly, one hundred percent honest
even if I felt like an idiot
I still was.

So.
There's this boy
and to him I say,

I win.

Death By Helium

Wow.
New Year's is always more fun than most days, but I think this New Year's was particularly chaotic. Maybe it was the flaming pumpkins being flung around by a giant catapult. Maybe it was the bonfire bigger than my house. Maybe it was my boyfriend inhaling too much helium and passing out behind my friend's shed. I don't know. But I do know it equalled pure, undiluted havoc.

You know, here in New Mexico we sometimes take a different approach to life. There isn't that much to do, therefore, we are more amused by less conventional entertainment. Pumpkin flinging, for example. Or elaborate fireworks wired up to create explosions that would make the N.S.A more than a little jumpy. As I watched a four-by-seven foot board rigged up with fireworks get lit, I wondered what exactly was going to happen. But I only had to wait a few seconds to see exacly why everyone was standing forty feet away from it, looking upwards. I saw what happens when a smorgasbord of explosives gets set on fire.

Usually, my New Year's experiences kind of suck. Last year I sat in a room with my two closest friends and drank grape juice when the clock struck twelve. But this year was fun enough to be scary. Even simple entertainment like inhaling helium turned exciting when, in the midst of everyone talking in chipmunk voices, I turn around to see the boyfriend close his eyes and fall straight backward. He knocked over over a giant bucker of water, landed on the ground, and caused everyone to drop their balloons and start freaking out. Now who said balloons were no fun?

Sometimes I wonder why I get such a kick of dumb stuff, like big sparkly explosions and people getting knocked out. And then I realize...Because it's funny.